There have been two things that have been constant in my mind for the last two years, 1. I need to heal, 2. I am going to heal. The first is an awareness, which is essential for change, the second has been an intention and belief, which is essential for growth. One thought, one perception, one belief, one intention, has completely changed the course of my life. My story looked like a dim one two years ago. Crippled with anxiety, PTSD, and anorexia, my life was limited, very, very, limited. It consisted of a constant need of maintenance for survival. I struggled with what seemed like everything, eating, sleeping, being a good mom, leaving the house, working, driving, concentrating, my identity, self worth, everything was being impacted. It was not living, it was simply surviving day by day. Until those two things came into my mind, and radically changed my reality. Today, I cannot say I am totally healed, but I can say that I eat, sleep, take good care of my son, leave my house, drive, concentrate, have learned about myself, and have rediscovered my self worth. Along these last two years a lot of other obstacles have presented themselves, for those of you who know me, know it has been far from easy. I have slipped into past behaviors and thoughts, but those two constants remained, and no matter how dim everything got, I knew I needed to heal, and I knew I was going to. It has been the journey itself that has been the most rewarding. The emotions I have had the priviledge to feel and expand on have been beautiful, and the lessons that have come out of them have been even more beautiful. I am no longer afraid of pain, my heart has felt pain so deep and excruciating, that within it, I found peace, gratitude, love, and joy. Now, in the most beautiful way, pain, trials, trauma, and even fears have shaped me, and they have not crippled me, but renewed my consciousness, because I chose to grow and not sink.