We are spirits, energy, consciousness, or whatever you want to call it, before, after, and while we are bodies. Our bodies are merely temporary aspects of our journeys, as part of our awakening process. With this, there is no reason for fear. There is no reason not to simply trust your higher power, trust your path because if everything is energetic and spiritual, it all has meaning that we must see through the eyes of spirituality instead of matter. It is all meant. It is all purposeful. Within everything there is a deeper meaning. With our spiritual eyes open, we can and will accomplish what we are destined to on this journey, but only if you can become less matter, and more energy. If everything is energetic and with meaning, there is no reason for fear, ever, as fear is what holds us back, what keeps us trapped in matter, what keeps us clinging to what we can sense with our five senses.
Sometimes it takes swimming through murky waters, to recognize when you are in clear waters. When we dive head first into the depths of darkness, we feel lost, scared, confused, hopeless, when we see the light again, we are rebirthed, we come out with a whole new perspective about what really matters on this crazy journey. We are humbled and pulled to a place of gratitude. We are inspired and ignited with an exuberance for life. This place can be difficult to reach without having ventured in uncertainty and suffering. We have to be lost, to be found. It is not the light or the darkness, but both in which bring us closer to our highest selves. It is confusion before clarity. It is pain before joy. It is low before high.
Darkness is not what we should be afraid of, trial is not what we should be afraid of, pain is not what we should be afraid of. These things are all only one step behind something else, everything leading to something greater, everything creating a beautiful masterpiece, what we call the big picture. It is all part of the big picture, it all connects, and one aspect is often dependent on another aspects existence in this immaculate big picture.
We can live our lives blind to what really matters. Unsatisfied with what we have, wanting more, chasing more, craving more. Seeing problems more than solutions, seeing fear more than love. Trying to control outcomes outside of our control until we self sabotage without even meaning to. Recreating our pasts. Sometimes we are swimming in crisp, clear, refreshing water, wishing to be swimming in a different ocean. We so badly want a different ocean that we begin creating this cesspool. The crazy thing is, we fight to get back to the ocean we never appreciated, and once we do, we see how beautiful that crisp water is, how clear we can see, how refreshed we feel. It was always there, it wasn’t circumstances that changed, it ended up being us who changed, and saw our circumstances differently.
There have been many issues brought to the public eye about equal rights and destigmatization of mental health conditions in the past several years. This is great. Equal rights are essential and all people deserve love and fair treatment no matter their gender, race, sexual orientation, etc. Destigmatization is also absolutely essential, nobody should feel ashamed about a struggle. My opposition to this is, for one, we are creating major separation between people. Some of the ones who are on the front line of an equal right movement now hate the ones who aren’t, instead of having empathy and compassion for their limited hearts. The destigmatization of mental health has now created pride and ego surrounding a diagnoses that one may carry, instead of people wanting to heal, we have a society taking more prescription medication than ever before, and that hasn’t decreased the use of other drug use, or crime, or even suicide, but we aren’t considering this. Love is the law and the answer as well. We are consciousness in bodies. Consciousness. Our only differences, true differences, are the way we perceive the world and ourselves. This is unity, this is healing, this is wholeness, this is anything being possible, this is perception as reality, this is growth. Some of the extents of these movements seem to start well and turn into a distraction, aspects turn into blinders of our own capacity and the coming together of all of us. Imagine a world where we are saw each other as consciousness.. We would see mental health issues as spiritual, emotional, and nutritional definciencies that we could heal from. We would see everyone with eyes of love and compassion knowing that somewhere along their lives they learned the hatred they carry by a perception of fear, and with that, maybe we could really help EVERYONE. We can all be whole, we can all be love.
There have been two things that have been constant in my mind for the last two years, 1. I need to heal, 2. I am going to heal. The first is an awareness, which is essential for change, the second has been an intention and belief, which is essential for growth. One thought, one perception, one belief, one intention, has completely changed the course of my life. My story looked like a dim one two years ago. Crippled with anxiety, PTSD, and anorexia, my life was limited, very, very, limited. It consisted of a constant need of maintenance for survival. I struggled with what seemed like everything, eating, sleeping, being a good mom, leaving the house, working, driving, concentrating, my identity, self worth, everything was being impacted. It was not living, it was simply surviving day by day. Until those two things came into my mind, and radically changed my reality. Today, I cannot say I am totally healed, but I can say that I eat, sleep, take good care of my son, leave my house, drive, concentrate, have learned about myself, and have rediscovered my self worth. Along these last two years a lot of other obstacles have presented themselves, for those of you who know me, know it has been far from easy. I have slipped into past behaviors and thoughts, but those two constants remained, and no matter how dim everything got, I knew I needed to heal, and I knew I was going to. It has been the journey itself that has been the most rewarding. The emotions I have had the priviledge to feel and expand on have been beautiful, and the lessons that have come out of them have been even more beautiful. I am no longer afraid of pain, my heart has felt pain so deep and excruciating, that within it, I found peace, gratitude, love, and joy. Now, in the most beautiful way, pain, trials, trauma, and even fears have shaped me, and they have not crippled me, but renewed my consciousness, because I chose to grow and not sink.
The only love worth fighting for is the love that makes you lose control. There is a love, beyond the self serving, give and take, 50 – 50, model of relationship we have been taught. There is a love that can make you lose your grip on reality, break your boundaries, escape the pathways and fences you have set up to live and feel safe within. A selfess love that forgets about risk, forgets about potential pain, forgets about what’s in it for yourself, and simply loves. That love will move mountains, save lives, conquer all. Imagine a time, maybe involving your children or your spouse, and they are in imminent danger and you step in to do whatever you can to protect them, there was no second thought, no conern for yourself, it was by instinct, that’s the type of love I am talking about. It is instinctual, it cannot go away, it does not waiver, it doesn’t even really think, it simply loves.
This may be contradictory to what psychologists encourage or even what feels safe within your own mind and heart, but love is the opposite of fear, and to live and to love separate from fear, you will find a peace and joy that also does not waiver, even in your tears. The more you let go of control, you embrace freedom, and that is how you rise above matter and circumstances. So, love fully, love selflessly, let your instincts take over, and lose control, whichever way it goes, whether it results in tragedy or a happily ever after, it will be beautiful and worth whatever outcome.
Alright, let’s get rid of the labels we have been taught for a moment. Let’s talk about emotions. What if we stopped labelling emotions as good or bad? Instead we simply observed them. Each and every emotion has a cause and a purpose. For example:
• Pain, sadness, despair: This is a HUGE culprit for growth. Sometimes the source of this pain may be love, or a lack there of, whichever it is, the growth can come, but only from accepting and observing the waves.
• Anger: You have gotten some sort of indicator within that you have been violated in some way and need to take action. The action may be standing up for yourself, getting out of a situation, setting boundaries, or the action may be taking a look at yourself and assessing whether the pain is coming from your ego, maybe an insecurity, maybe an old wound, maybe a fragile self esteem, maybe you feel vulnerable. All of which will propel you to solve a problem for yourself.
• Fear, anxiety, panic: Your body and mind are telling you that you are not safe. This is such an important emotion! It indicates that either there is something you need to get out of, there is a threat or danger you need to protect yourself from. This can also indicate trauma, areas in which you need healing, ways you can love yourself better.
• Joy, peace, love, hope, gratitude: This is your body and mind in a state of homeostasis, wholeness, bliss. This is indication that you are in congruence in all you need to be, this is your body and mind telling you that all is well, this is a repreve.
When dealing with difficult emotions, accept what is happening and what you are feeling with love and compassion for yourself and the knowledge that it is temporary. Within, ask what the source of the emotion is.
Is this emotion deriving from fear or love?
Is there something my mind, body, or spirit is trying to bring attention to?
Is this emotion from the past, future, or present?
What is my consciousness trying to tell me or help me see?
What is the growth that could come out of this?
Is there an action that needs to take place that I have been avoiding or not wanted to take?
We have the ego, which is how you would describe yourself, the identity you have created based on your perceptions. We then have the soul, which is pure consciousness, it is love based, and cannot be described, it simply is. The ego is what drives you towards greed, selfishness, lust, deception, manipulation, your care for how you are perceived, etc. A lot of what the ego desires is what the world portrays as “living your best life.” This is why you see celebrities who are perceived to have it all, die of a drug overdose. It is tragic. They had every ounce of fuel for their ego, attention, money, sex, drugs, success, admiration, but it wasn’t enough, and that is because the ego never feels full, there is no joy within the ego, only temporary bouts of happiness and instant gratification. There is often a feeling of emptiness when you are living based on ego, because ego is fear based. Why does one want admiration? Because they don’t feel good enough within themselves and outside validation is the only way to improve their thoughts about themselves. Why does one choose manipulation and deception? Because they are afraid of simply telling the truth. Why is one greedy? Because they have an emptiness inside of them they are constantly trying to fill, or they are afraid they will have to go without. Ego consists of a whole lot of inner conflicts they are trying to solve, that can only be resolved with peace, love, trust, gratitude, and joy, fear gets in the way, insecurity distracts. Soul, (which ironically is my sons name,) is the only resolutions and paths to enlightenment. Your soul will cleanse you, each and every fear, source of pain, and insecurity can and will be resolved by diving into your soul. An extremely good tactic for encountering the soul is to re frame your thoughts and actions into love. For example, if you are tempted to seek validation to feel better about yourself, remind yourself that you are only a consciousness that has formulated beliefs, therefor you are no better or worse than anyone else, and your pure consciousness deserves nothing but love. Doing this continuously about your thoughts, intentions, actions, etc, will bring you much closer to your soul instead of your ego.