People change. People are in a constant evolution. People go through different seasons, seasons in which take them down different paths. People fall. People grow. People are made to change, made to create and destroy, made to be shifting and moving energies. Someone said to me once “when someone shows you who they are, believe them.” If I had taken that advice, I would have written someone off who has now become my life partner and favorite person. If we are not changing, we are stagnant, and likely unhappy because change is so embedded in our nature. So when we interact with difficult people, keep in mind, they have not always been that difficult person you see in front of you, there was a whole life that lead them there. And when we become hopeless about ourselves, we need to remind ourselves that we are an evolution encountering another season of change and have the ability to intentionally evolve, so lean in, be deliberate, and accept this radical journey.
I have been very absent on here as of late.
Things haven’t been too easy. I am in the third trimester of pregnancy with my sweet little girl and around this time of year there have been a lot of trials and upheavals. It seems my subconscious knows this, remembers this, and has a tendency to repeat similar things always around this time of year. With being pregnant, the trials were a lot more complicated. I am not in a position to self destruct, which is the usual pattern my mind takes around now.
I was battling the old pathways in my mind for several weeks, still falling a little bit, but not completely collapsing. I was holding things together. I was surviving. I was staying physically healthy, but mentally I was lacking greatly. As we know, our thoughts and emotions manifest in some way eventually, and the ruminating, counter productive thoughts did eventually manifest. I began to fall.
I ended up in a deep, isolated, dark, desolate, dreary, hole.
I distanced myself emotionally from everyone around me.
I sat there and allowed shame, guilt, regret, and self hatred consume my mind so badly, that I sincerely didn’t believe I deserved anything, and I didn’t believe anything I wanted would come true. Instead, I believed the darkness. I was in agreement with it.
By some kind of miracle, I remembered some of what I had learned. I remembered the power of thought. I remembered I had a choice. I also remembered why I had to make a different choice. My baby girl, my beautiful son, my boyfriend, my parents, my brothers, my desire to feel better. I told myself there was no other choice but to choose better, and so I began to choose what I wanted, mentally.
It didn’t sink it right away. It was just repetition at first. I could redirect my thoughts and drown out the negative thoughts voices. Instead of thinking about all I didn’t want, I repeated what I did want in my head over and over and over and over, I wrote it down, I said it out loud, I drew it graffiti style in Sharpie. Simply interrupting the other thoughts was enough to make a difference, and that difference was enough to get me to believe in what I did want again.
So, in conclusion, I am back! And happy to be back.
We are spirits, energy, consciousness, or whatever you want to call it, before, after, and while we are bodies. Our bodies are merely temporary aspects of our journeys, as part of our awakening process. With this, there is no reason for fear. There is no reason not to simply trust your higher power, trust your path because if everything is energetic and spiritual, it all has meaning that we must see through the eyes of spirituality instead of matter. It is all meant. It is all purposeful. Within everything there is a deeper meaning. With our spiritual eyes open, we can and will accomplish what we are destined to on this journey, but only if you can become less matter, and more energy. If everything is energetic and with meaning, there is no reason for fear, ever, as fear is what holds us back, what keeps us trapped in matter, what keeps us clinging to what we can sense with our five senses.
Sometimes it takes swimming through murky waters, to recognize when you are in clear waters. When we dive head first into the depths of darkness, we feel lost, scared, confused, hopeless, when we see the light again, we are rebirthed, we come out with a whole new perspective about what really matters on this crazy journey. We are humbled and pulled to a place of gratitude. We are inspired and ignited with an exuberance for life. This place can be difficult to reach without having ventured in uncertainty and suffering. We have to be lost, to be found. It is not the light or the darkness, but both in which bring us closer to our highest selves. It is confusion before clarity. It is pain before joy. It is low before high.
Darkness is not what we should be afraid of, trial is not what we should be afraid of, pain is not what we should be afraid of. These things are all only one step behind something else, everything leading to something greater, everything creating a beautiful masterpiece, what we call the big picture. It is all part of the big picture, it all connects, and one aspect is often dependent on another aspects existence in this immaculate big picture.
We can live our lives blind to what really matters. Unsatisfied with what we have, wanting more, chasing more, craving more. Seeing problems more than solutions, seeing fear more than love. Trying to control outcomes outside of our control until we self sabotage without even meaning to. Recreating our pasts. Sometimes we are swimming in crisp, clear, refreshing water, wishing to be swimming in a different ocean. We so badly want a different ocean that we begin creating this cesspool. The crazy thing is, we fight to get back to the ocean we never appreciated, and once we do, we see how beautiful that crisp water is, how clear we can see, how refreshed we feel. It was always there, it wasn’t circumstances that changed, it ended up being us who changed, and saw our circumstances differently.
Today I decided I want to be a doctor, a naturopathic doctor to be specific. It is what I have wanted to do for several years now but I ruled it out for myself because of my circumstances. I had the belief system that since I have a son, don’t come from a wealthy family that can pay for my college, and am currently pregnant with a baby girl due in April, that being a doctor was merely a fantasy, but not in my cards. But why not? Why can’t it be in my cards? So today I changed my perspective. There is no reason why I shoudn’t be a doctor. The more I focus on it, the more I align myself with that reality, the more possible it becomes, actually, that is the ONLY way to make it possible. Change your perspective, change your reality, CHOOSE your perspective CHOOSE your reality. So I am aligning this dream, I am aligning this future, my future, with my higher power, for the greatest good. I am thanking the universe/god/etc in advanced for this reality, thanking them for giving me this thought, thanking them for blessing me with this belief, thanking them for reigniting my hope and passion, thanking them for making it all possible, thanking them for guiding me, thanking them for making life this way, thanking them for my life and my ability to choose. So here I am, a naturopathic doctor in the making, starting school in the fall, about four months after my baby is born, trusting that everything is going to align, connect, and fall into place as it should, and I will move with faith, love, joy, and trust through the journey. I KNOW this is it, and truly trust the unknown, not only trust it, but am excited for it.
Please ask yourself what you all have ruled out of your equation because you believe it’s not possible. Ask yourself why it’s not possible. If someone else has done it, why can’t you? Circumstances are simply a product of energy, and energy can be changed, but it starts with belief, and the rest of the steps will become clear as you go, they will becomes clear as you become clearer, and less held back by limiting beliefs based on your past experiences and current circumstances. Everything changes. Be the intentional change, don’t simply stand by and try to cope with the changes.
There is a certain word called faith, it is commonly associated with religion and a belief system. Sometimes it gets a negative connotation, but let me go a little deeper into the power and meaning of this word. Faith is about trust, hope, belief, and even peace. It is about giving up your own control, and handing it over to something greater than yourself. Faith is about believing in something without using your five senses. Faith is about believing in something that is not here yet, even when there is no proof it will come. Faith is having trust, while enduring an excruciating situation, that everything will be okay. Faith is facing difficult emotions and circumstances knowing that you are learning something that you couldn’t have learned any other way. Faith is trusting that everything is constantly shifting and connecting in your favor whether it feels that way or not, whether its through trial or blessings, pain or joy. Faith has the ability to transform you and your circumstances. What we believe is what we receive, so when we have faith in something, and we put our hearts in the right intent, we give up control, we give up fear, we will receive from our faith, it’s the law of the universe. Faith also has the ability to give us strength and resilience we didn’t ever know we had. Faith is a belief, it is a perspective, it is changing your lens and broadening your views to feel and trust the unknown. With that, we suddenly have the strength we need to persevere through the awfully painful aspects of life such as loss, break ups/divorce, poverty, prejudice, etc. Not only will we be able to endure with faith, but eventually prosper, because we will not stay stuck in the enormity, we will not try and push against anything, resist the inevitable, avoid emotions, live out of fear, control, we will let things flow as they should, and we can maintain hope, we can give up the labels of good and bad, we can stay present while knowing things will change for the better eventually. We will no longer be victims to our circumstances, but students. We can live free, we can have peace through suffering, and hope through misery.
Yesterday life really taught me something. With some honesty, I have been experiencing a bit of a strange phase in my own mentality and emotional well being. I began to feel better than ever, my head was feeling clearer, my heart felt more connected, I felt energy and vitality, motivation, everything seemed to be more than good, but amazing. All of the sudden I was hit with all these fearful thoughts and worst case scenarios, lack of energy, digestive issues, trouble sleeping. My motivation and drive diminished to being almost nonexistent, I wanted to distract myself all the time to avoid my thoughts and emotions, I had crazy cravings for sweets, it seemed like all my stomach could digest without discomfort, and hopelessness and disappointment was beginning to settle in. Yesterday it then dawned on me that this was part of the healing process. Learning how to not allow fear to control me. To fight against it. To push back. The closer we get to freedom and wholeness, it seems fear creeps in full throttle to bring us back to our old protective, boxed in, worlds because ironically, wholeness can feel vulnerable and scary. This can make us vear off course and lose focus. This is all part of our paths to healing, another layer of fear being peeled off so you can get closer to your highest self, enlightenment, wholeness.
There have been many issues brought to the public eye about equal rights and destigmatization of mental health conditions in the past several years. This is great. Equal rights are essential and all people deserve love and fair treatment no matter their gender, race, sexual orientation, etc. Destigmatization is also absolutely essential, nobody should feel ashamed about a struggle. My opposition to this is, for one, we are creating major separation between people. Some of the ones who are on the front line of an equal right movement now hate the ones who aren’t, instead of having empathy and compassion for their limited hearts. The destigmatization of mental health has now created pride and ego surrounding a diagnoses that one may carry, instead of people wanting to heal, we have a society taking more prescription medication than ever before, and that hasn’t decreased the use of other drug use, or crime, or even suicide, but we aren’t considering this. Love is the law and the answer as well. We are consciousness in bodies. Consciousness. Our only differences, true differences, are the way we perceive the world and ourselves. This is unity, this is healing, this is wholeness, this is anything being possible, this is perception as reality, this is growth. Some of the extents of these movements seem to start well and turn into a distraction, aspects turn into blinders of our own capacity and the coming together of all of us. Imagine a world where we are saw each other as consciousness.. We would see mental health issues as spiritual, emotional, and nutritional definciencies that we could heal from. We would see everyone with eyes of love and compassion knowing that somewhere along their lives they learned the hatred they carry by a perception of fear, and with that, maybe we could really help EVERYONE. We can all be whole, we can all be love.
There is a certain kind of power and peace that comes from the acceptance of pain. While going through a time with an incredible amount of emotional pain, whether it be a break up, the loss of a loved one, or any type of trauma or source of pain, if we just embrace it. If we sit in it. If we allow our thoughts to go there, allow our hearts to hurt deeply and almost unbearably. If we cry. If we scream. If we accept that whatever we are feeling is real and we don’t think about an end point or a way to change it or whether it is a good or bad feeling, the emotion becomes less daunting. This is the point when in the agony and pain, you are able to learn intimate details about life and yourself. In this you are able to truly feel what you are meant to feel, and in that, there is a sense of peace and comfort because you are being authentic with yourself, you are telling yourself that whatever you are feeling, without judgment, is okay. In this you are properly able to heal, because you are giving your mind and heart the proper time, attention, and validation it needs to process whatever experience or change you went through. Of course it is not always possible to do this every day, all day, for every emotion because of children and work and the need to still function in your day to day, but the more time you set aside to do this, the more complete your healing process will be, and instead of avoiding and creating unhealthy subconscious beliefs, emotions, and thought processes, you will fully heal, and maybe even grow in wisdom and strength from the experience.
There are days where I wish I could search on google “how to be happy” and find a five minute fix to problems I have created or allowed. Some days I am tired and I just want someone or something else to solve everything for me. Recently I had one of those days, one of those dreary, meloncholy, days. One of those days where I just wanted to sit on the couch in my pajamas and binge watch a series on Netflix all day. One of those days where I saw the bad in myself, the world, life, and people much more than I saw the good. I was playing out worse case scenarios for every aspect of my life all day, thinking about how much more I should be doing, and how much I have messed up in so many aspects of life. On days like those, it’s easy to lose track of what really matters, which makes it all the more important to be mindful of your thoughts, emotions, and actions, and to have gratitude for the journey. Remember that you have the ability to raise your vibration, taking a minute to see what you can do to positively influence your energy, and investing in those things is crucial and could teach you something new, and help you believe in yourself a little more. Every day has lessons, signs, opportunities, and to make an effort to see the divine might have the power to change a dreary, meloncholy, day into something beautiful.
There are days where I wish I could search on google “how to be happy” and find a five minute fix to problems I have created or allowed. Some days I am tired and I just want someone or something else to solve everything for me. Recently I had one of those days, one of those dreary, melancholy, days. One of those days where I just wanted to sit on the couch in my pajamas and binge watch a series on Netflix all day. One of those days where I saw the bad in myself, the world, life, and people much more than I saw the good. I was playing out worse case scenarios for every aspect of my life all day, thinking about how much more I should be doing, and how much I have messed up in so many aspects of life. On days like those, it’s easy to lose track of what really matters, which makes it all the more important to be mindful of your thoughts, emotions, and actions, and to have gratitude for the journey. Remember that you have the ability to raise your vibration, taking a minute to see what you can do to positively influence your energy, and investing in those things is crucial and could teach you something new, and help you believe in yourself a little more. Every day has lessons, signs, opportunities, and to make an effort to see the divine might have the power to change a dreary, melancholy, day into something beautiful.
Self love is not about thinking you’re the shit. I suffered from anorexia for thirteen years and so of course I have learned all about the importance of self love. If you look into it, it’s all about selfies and “knowing your worth.” This is not self love, because it is still about finding a way to see your worth, building yourself up to think you deserve better. Self love is about unconditionally loving and accepting yourself simply because you are human and every human deserves love. There are no conditions, you love because it just is, you just are. It is not about taking cute selfies. It is not about thinking you deserve better for some reason. In reality, you don’t deserve anything, we don’t do or be to deserve goodness. We are and we deserve goodness. You can look into all the body positivity and self love blogs and you will find a whole lot of affirmations about telling yourself you are beautiful, and how you should cut people out of your life if they don’t see your worth, but now you are building an ego, anytime you are putting a judment on yourself you are building your ego, whether that judgment be good or bad, and ego is not love. So self love is removing your labels, you are not good enough, and you are not bad, you are, you are not pretty or ugly, you are, you are seeing your soul, your consciousness. With this definition and recognition, we come into a place of unity with all others, we form self compassion and a deeper compassion for others, we become more spiritual than physical, and we begin to treat ourselves and others with more love, we become better people, and not so we CAN love ourselves, but because we DO love ourselves and our values and perspectives have shifted.
It seems we have gotten incredibly good and taking a victim stance to the world and our lives. It works, maybe it even serves us, in a lot of circumstances. If you are a victim then what accountability is there to take? If you are a victim then what changes should you make? What areas do YOU need to grow and improve? This is showing itself in a lot of arenas, especially when it comes to public matters. Are there victims in this world? Yes absolutely, we have all been a victim to something or someone in some way. This is beside the point. Perspective is reality. Perceiving yourself as a victim will further perpetuate you being a victim. If you are continuously focused on how you have been victimized, you will continue to be victimized, you will continue to feel, think, and act victimized. This is not to say it is wrong to speak up about your trials or struggles, all this really means is to take back your own authority in your life. The only thing we have real control over is ourselves, our thoughts, our energetic field, our perspective, our reality. So yes, acknowledge your pain, be aware of how others may mistreat you, understand your opposition, but don’t live there, unless it’s sincerely the only place you would like to stay. If we can treat many issues this way, if we can focus on solutions instead of problems, love instead of fear, then we all can rise above our circumstances. I have a friend who is currently in prison and he said to me that the time he has to spend there can be a blessing or a curse because freedom is in your mind. This is something we should all take in, what bars, fences, and barriers have we created for ourselves? And do we wish to live within them forever? How does the idea of freedom sound?
Vulnerability is a tremendous act of courage. When being vulnerable you invite others to see you just as you are, and that means they also have the choice to judge, criticize, ridicule or invalidate you. You open that door, you give them that ability, and that can leave us feeling naked and unsafe. Although when we present ourselves with facades and masks within relationships it can leave us feeling alone, isolated, misunderstood, and unloved. Here is why I believe vulnerability is a beautiful and needed aspect in relationships:
- The aunthenticity of your relationships increases because you and your partner, friend, parent, etc know you for you and you know them for them
- You invite unconditional love
- By being vulnerable, you tell your subconscious that every aspect of you is accepted, that you are worthy of unconditional love and acceptance
- There is a sense of peace that comes to your essence, because you are no longer hiding
- You will teach and help others do the same
- You open doors to truly connect with others, maybe to even find relateable feelings or thoughts, and in turn, to feel less alone and more unified
- You let your subconscious know that it is okay to feel and express emotion
- Your problems/thoughts/fears/emotions become less overwhelming when they are no longer ruminating secretively in your head all day
- Your emotional connection to those closest to you will grow exponentially
- You will show your loved ones that you are a safe person
- You will develop more compassion with yourself and others
So then, how do we overcome the fear of negative outcomes of vulnerability?
-We enter into the arena without expectation of others, see people with compassionate eyes and hearts, even when they don’t do the same for you.
-Choose who to confide in wisely at first to ease into this new state of being
-Remember that the discomfort and fear will ease the more you courageously allow yourself to be seen
-Remind yourself of the benefits
Not everyone will respond well to vulnerability because maybe it challenges something within them, it may make them uncomfortable, and they may not know how to respond. This is their problem, not yours, try not to take it personal, as they are going through their own growth simply haven’t gotten there yet.
Thoughts are like the seeds of our reality, the water to our emotions. We can have one thought, and that thought leads to another, and another, we decide to jump on a train in our minds, and whatever the energy of those thoughts may be, it will have an impact on your emotions and body. Let me give you an example. In the height of my PTSD, my boyfriend had just moved in, and every time I had to do something while he was home, such as go to the bathroom or take a shower, etc, I would ask for permission. Right before asking for permission, and right after I realized I had to go to the bathroom or whatever other task, I would have a thought pop up, something along the lines of “what if he gets mad?” This would incite fear, and then I would make sure I had permission before doing anything. One day I had the realization that he has never given me a reason to ask him for permission for basic daily tasks. This realization taught me a lot about myself. I was thinking, feeling, and then behaving as if I was being abused, and it was all starting with a thought. Thoughts are still something I struggle with at times, habitual thoughts, patterns in my mind that repeat in different situations or emotions, but I have also uncovered the power of thought and have been dedicated to taking control over my own thoughts. If my thoughts had the power to make me feel and believe I needed to submit to my abuser, whom didn’t exist anymore, then what beautiful things can be done with love based thoughts and beliefs? When fear based thoughts come to my mind now, I challenge them, I first make myself aware, then I ask myself whether that thought is coming from the past, future, or present, I then try to pull myself back to the present, sometimes, if that is especially difficult, I use my senses to do so, I take a hot shower and make myself observe and think about the water, the smells of the soap, shampoo, conditioner, etc. On especially strong days, I tell myself that maybe that kind of thought suited my past self, but I am no longer her so I am choosing to think differently, and I redirect myself. Training our minds is such am important and valuable thing. Observe throughout your day what kind of thoughts you have, also, observe how you feel after each thought or train of thoughts, it may be beneficial to you.
There have been two things that have been constant in my mind for the last two years, 1. I need to heal, 2. I am going to heal. The first is an awareness, which is essential for change, the second has been an intention and belief, which is essential for growth. One thought, one perception, one belief, one intention, has completely changed the course of my life. My story looked like a dim one two years ago. Crippled with anxiety, PTSD, and anorexia, my life was limited, very, very, limited. It consisted of a constant need of maintenance for survival. I struggled with what seemed like everything, eating, sleeping, being a good mom, leaving the house, working, driving, concentrating, my identity, self worth, everything was being impacted. It was not living, it was simply surviving day by day. Until those two things came into my mind, and radically changed my reality. Today, I cannot say I am totally healed, but I can say that I eat, sleep, take good care of my son, leave my house, drive, concentrate, have learned about myself, and have rediscovered my self worth. Along these last two years a lot of other obstacles have presented themselves, for those of you who know me, know it has been far from easy. I have slipped into past behaviors and thoughts, but those two constants remained, and no matter how dim everything got, I knew I needed to heal, and I knew I was going to. It has been the journey itself that has been the most rewarding. The emotions I have had the priviledge to feel and expand on have been beautiful, and the lessons that have come out of them have been even more beautiful. I am no longer afraid of pain, my heart has felt pain so deep and excruciating, that within it, I found peace, gratitude, love, and joy. Now, in the most beautiful way, pain, trials, trauma, and even fears have shaped me, and they have not crippled me, but renewed my consciousness, because I chose to grow and not sink.
Alright, let’s get rid of the labels we have been taught for a moment. Let’s talk about emotions. What if we stopped labelling emotions as good or bad? Instead we simply observed them. Each and every emotion has a cause and a purpose. For example:
• Pain, sadness, despair: This is a HUGE culprit for growth. Sometimes the source of this pain may be love, or a lack there of, whichever it is, the growth can come, but only from accepting and observing the waves.
• Anger: You have gotten some sort of indicator within that you have been violated in some way and need to take action. The action may be standing up for yourself, getting out of a situation, setting boundaries, or the action may be taking a look at yourself and assessing whether the pain is coming from your ego, maybe an insecurity, maybe an old wound, maybe a fragile self esteem, maybe you feel vulnerable. All of which will propel you to solve a problem for yourself.
• Fear, anxiety, panic: Your body and mind are telling you that you are not safe. This is such an important emotion! It indicates that either there is something you need to get out of, there is a threat or danger you need to protect yourself from. This can also indicate trauma, areas in which you need healing, ways you can love yourself better.
• Joy, peace, love, hope, gratitude: This is your body and mind in a state of homeostasis, wholeness, bliss. This is indication that you are in congruence in all you need to be, this is your body and mind telling you that all is well, this is a repreve.
When dealing with difficult emotions, accept what is happening and what you are feeling with love and compassion for yourself and the knowledge that it is temporary. Within, ask what the source of the emotion is.
Is this emotion deriving from fear or love?
Is there something my mind, body, or spirit is trying to bring attention to?
Is this emotion from the past, future, or present?
What is my consciousness trying to tell me or help me see?
What is the growth that could come out of this?
Is there an action that needs to take place that I have been avoiding or not wanted to take?
Alright. Let’s get real. I am pregnant now, and pregnancy can bring up some real weird feelings of shame. There is so much that comes along, shame about deserving the baby versus women who have been relentlessly trying to get pregnant to no avail. Shame regarding how my body looks now, and the shame that follows feeling shameful about how my body looks when it is executing such a beautiful process. Shame about how I feel about this pregnancy compared to my first. Shame is a common emotion that challenges how you feel about yourself and your own worth. It can drag you through a meaningless loop of negativity.
These thoughts and beliefs and fears are so limiting. We all can sit with our limiting thoughts and beliefs and allow them to ruminate, stuck alone in our own heads and kept secret. We can give them more and more power and fuel and reasons why we deserve to feel ashamed and scared and unworthy, or, we can let them out, and choose differently. Writing them all down has already begun to alleviate them. I know that I am not the only one in the entire world to have ever felt this way. I also know I don’t have to feel this way forever, I have the power to think differently. What even is shame? It is only a feeling mixed with perceptions of yourself and the world. That’s it. It is as real and as possible as self compassion and love. Both valid. Both produce vastly different versions of reality.
We have the ego, which is how you would describe yourself, the identity you have created based on your perceptions. We then have the soul, which is pure consciousness, it is love based, and cannot be described, it simply is. The ego is what drives you towards greed, selfishness, lust, deception, manipulation, your care for how you are perceived, etc. A lot of what the ego desires is what the world portrays as “living your best life.” This is why you see celebrities who are perceived to have it all, die of a drug overdose. It is tragic. They had every ounce of fuel for their ego, attention, money, sex, drugs, success, admiration, but it wasn’t enough, and that is because the ego never feels full, there is no joy within the ego, only temporary bouts of happiness and instant gratification. There is often a feeling of emptiness when you are living based on ego, because ego is fear based. Why does one want admiration? Because they don’t feel good enough within themselves and outside validation is the only way to improve their thoughts about themselves. Why does one choose manipulation and deception? Because they are afraid of simply telling the truth. Why is one greedy? Because they have an emptiness inside of them they are constantly trying to fill, or they are afraid they will have to go without. Ego consists of a whole lot of inner conflicts they are trying to solve, that can only be resolved with peace, love, trust, gratitude, and joy, fear gets in the way, insecurity distracts. Soul, (which ironically is my sons name,) is the only resolutions and paths to enlightenment. Your soul will cleanse you, each and every fear, source of pain, and insecurity can and will be resolved by diving into your soul. An extremely good tactic for encountering the soul is to re frame your thoughts and actions into love. For example, if you are tempted to seek validation to feel better about yourself, remind yourself that you are only a consciousness that has formulated beliefs, therefor you are no better or worse than anyone else, and your pure consciousness deserves nothing but love. Doing this continuously about your thoughts, intentions, actions, etc, will bring you much closer to your soul instead of your ego.
This morning I listened to this beautiful talk by a woman named Tomomi Becot about living in the present. She explained how every single moment in our lives is beautiful and valuable because it will be over in a flash. This deeply resonated with me because it is common to have a dialogue of what you should, could, or would be doing IF something was different within your circumstances, and how much joy and gratitude that robs you of right now. All day today I simply observed and embraced each moment with gratitude. When a thought came up that was fear based or negative, I literally told myself that I did not want to focus my energy there, and proceeded to embrace right now with gratitude. This changed my entire perspective. When I was trying to take a shower and my three year old son was blowing cold air from the hair dryer on my body, thoroughly enjoying it, as I froze, instead of thinking about how nice it WOULD be to be able to take a shower in peace, I connected to the love and gratitude I have for my little boy and watched his cute little face light up with joy. This changed my entire perspective in that moment from annoyance, to humility and complete and utter gratitude for everything in that moment from my son to the fact that I had soap to wash my body with. Your life can transform just from shifting where you allow your focus and attention to be. Don’t allow whatever you view you lack to rule your life, or you will live in lack, whether it be mentally or physically, focus on your own abundance and you will be abundant.
This is what persevering through pain has provided; The mentality of gratitude, humility, strength, joy in the simple things, living passionately, wisdom…. It’s been an exploratory journey, which led to awakening, it shed light on the difference between band-aids and genuine healing, it brought compassion, and the ability to truly be able to help others with so many different circumstances, it brought appreciation for trial and every emotion and their purposes, it shed light on what real unconditional love is, it showed that we are capable of hard things, it made it clear that everything is meant and that even when it feels as though things won’t be okay, we can have the comfort in knowing it will be eventually, it opened my eyes to the unseen, it helped me appreciate freedom, it made material items less important, it made uncomfortable environments more tolerable, it helped me love everyone, and judge less, it made peace so much more enjoyable, it created highs from life because I had experienced such lows, it made me recognize how blessed I truly am, it helped me be more generous with what I have, it helped me have faith that I will always have what I need, it made me stop taking the ones who care for me for granted, It helped me see the ones who didn’t actually care for me, it taught me self awareness, it taught that we create our own realities, it taught the power of our own minds, beliefs, thoughts, perceptions, and feelings, it made me work on mastering my mind, and being intentional, it made me a better listener and observer, it made me care deeper for others and their well being, It incited creativity and inspiration, it taught me that all we have is now, and all we need is now, it taught me that everything that is a label or opinion is simply a perception, it brought the value of forgiveness, it taught the deception of the ego.
Self compassion is the antidote to the inner critic, the ego, and feelings of not being good enough. It can be very difficult to cultivate self compassion, especially when you feel as though you don’t deserve it. Something that helps vastly is the realization that your thoughts and beliefs manifest, therefore, when you judge yourself harshly, you will manifest the emotions and beliefs of those judgments somehow in yourself. It becomes a vicious cycle, you judge yourself because you feel like you are inadequate in some way, and you become more of what you are judging yourself for. This strengthens the ego and distances you from love. It is not you who judges, it is your ego, it is who you “think” you are, it is the way your subconscious has formulated throughout your life. You deserve your own love and compassion just as much as everyone else does, there is not a single person on this earth that does not deserve those two basic human decencies. Remember, we are just consciousness that inhabit a body, we observe and create our reality, and who we are as people each and every day. As consciousness, we are all very much the same, our differences lie in how we interpret the world and ourselves, therefore, you do not have to be anyone you don’t want to be, and the only way to change, grow, and heal, is through love. With this, next time your mind starts to talk down on itself, remind yourself that you are only a consciousness, and there is no good or bad consciousness, you just are, and the only way to become closer to love, closer to your highest self, and full potential, is to accept that you just are and your love and compassion for yourself is not dependent upon the ego you have created or who you think you are.
We come into our bodies with no guarantees. We start shaping our perceptions-beliefs-realities. We experience life and the emotions that come along with it, pain, joy, fear, love.. We encounter rock bottoms, to encounter wisdom. We fall low, so we can fly higher. We grow and evolve. We are here to love and create, and to become enlightened. As something disconnects, something else connects, as one thing falls apart, another comes together. This is the gift of life, each second of our journey is a blessing. We are all in this together, united, connected, and equal, aiming for the same goal, whether we see it that way or not, and THAT is beautiful.
The most important belief that I ever integrated into my perception was that I am capable of healing and wholeness. We live in a society of labels and categories. If you have a few symptoms, likely those symptoms can be diagnosed, doctors diagnose an issue, and then you are left with that name lingering in your mind. That name becomes part of your identity, it becomes a way that you describe yourself, it becomes something that in your head, limits you from all kinds of lifestyles and activities, and the more focus you give that name, the more it grows, strengthens, and grips onto your DNA. You become sicker, more debilitated, and less able to thrive. It is a domino affect that can lead to a lifetime of suffering, and it’s getting old.
During a stay on rock bottom, I decided that I couldn’t go on another day as I was. I went on a journey to find out what else was possible and how to get there. I had already gone down the route of western medicine with no success, it was time to head in another direction. That is when I discovered quantum physics and how that participates in healing, chakras, prayer, manifestation, energy healing, nutrition, the power of your own thoughts and perspective, illness starting in the mind and spirit and then manifesting in the body, the importance of gratitude and much much more. With these new discoveries I have been transforming as a person, and defying the principals of western medicine. This changed my entire outlook and reignited my hope in life.
With this, please do not allow your current circumstances or labels define you. Keep pushing the boundaries of your own health. Keep expanding your knowledge. Don’t lose hope. Make the decision to renew yourself. Make the decision to rise above. It can become comfortable to carry different labels that limit your existence, those labels become your identity, they become your excuse, they become your version of normal, they become accepted in your subconscious and perpetuated by it as well. We each have a version of ourselves that are operated at a higher capacity, and deeper depth, with more love, more peace, and more joy, that version of you exists in the quantum field already, and is simply waiting for you to choose it, and keep choosing it.
We have the power to create and destroy. Love is creation, fear is destruction. A fear based mentality is the source of ego, hatred, resentment, envy, low self esteem, insecurity, jealousy, deceit, materialism, emptiness. Fear will destroy your relationships. Fear will destroy your ability to go after your dreams. Fear will destroy your ability to trust another person. Fear will distract you from what brings fulfillment and have you focusing on money, drugs, status, etc. Fear will have you living scared of failure. Fear will have you trapped in trauma, living with a brand new life, and not appreciating it because you’re so AFRAID your past will repeat itself. Fear will have you comparing yourself to others and never measuring up in your own heart and mind. Fear will have you criticizing yourself, piling mountains of shame for your past mistakes, and setting standards too high for anyone to reach. Fear IS destruction. Love will fill you with inspiration, joy, gratitude, empathy, compassion, wholeness, humility, trust, etc. Love is growth. Love is art. Love is having faith that everything is going to work out just as it’s meant to. Love is sitting contently in a moment, appreciating all that it comes with. Love is seeing heartbreak as love. Love is forgiveness through compassion, empathizing with those who hurt you and wishing them the best. Love is gratitude for the little things, satisfaction without the need for more or better. Love is helping someone in a dark place. Love is sharing your light. Love is going after your dream, and knowing you can do it. Love is teaching your children, and treating them better than you were treated. Love is listening and understanding someone else, giving them a place where their feelings matter. Love is giving without expectation. Love is not having to be better than anyone else, but viewing us all as equals. Love is creation. Love is peace. Love is joy. Love is all that we all want and need, and fear is what drags us away. Today and every day, if we set the intention of love, and consciously choose it all throghout the day, not only would we be happier, but maybe we could spread a bit of that light to someone else who needed it.
The art of letting something in, goes hand and hand with the art of letting go. To open up, invite, and expect new experiences and opportunities you must close the doors of the old ones as well. The Yin Yang, a symbol of balance, of one factor, and it’s opposite, is also very symbolic of choice and perspective, as there are two opposing extremes, fear and love, humility and arrogance, gratitude and entitlement, victim and victor, to each is only a perspective, for one presents the capacity for another, your choice on which side of each pendulum you choose to fall, love can be eliminated, stunted, or rejected by fear, and fear can be eliminated, stunted, or rejected by love. One side is an antidote to the other, good and evil, pain and joy, darkness is only an absence of light. So therefore, to release darkness and allow for light, to live for love instead of survive out of fear, you let go of control, and invite freedom, and in that you can let go of the past and rejoice and manifest in the present, and simply trust put trust in the universe for the future.
Most things in our minds have a path, one connection that lead to another, that lead to another, and then comes a belief or perception, something that integrates into our thought pattern, behaviors, personality. Then there are those things that explode your mind, there wasn’t a direct path there, a chronological series of perceptions and experiences that lead to a conclusion. When those explosions occur, your mind begins to scramble to find meaning, understanding, solutions. That is trauma. That outlandish, shocking, incomprehensible event, or events, occur and your brain scrambles to reconnect itself and you end up with a bunch of incoherent, fear based, thoughts and beliefs. You change, become someone different, because you lost what blew up in the explosion, and gained the fear that came with it. That event, just was, there wasn’t a why, and if there is a why, finding out isn’t as important as accepting that it just was. I say this as someone trying my best to heal, so take it with a tremendous amount of empathy and compassion.